Wednesday, January 4, 2012

What to do with all this fear

I've spent the majority of my life in some sort of fear. I think after all of my contemplating lately, I've narrowed it down to that.

[caption id="attachment_420" align="aligncenter" width="370" caption="source"][/caption]

I'm afraid of disappointing the people I love.

I'm afraid of being wrong.

I'm afraid to let my true self almost anyone really. In fact, last night I printed out the first chapter of the novel I'm working on and let my husband read it. And you know what? The world didn't end. He didn't laugh in my face and tell me I should give up now because my writing sucked harder than our vacuum cleaner.

I'm deathly afraid of failure. I wrote a novel. I sent it to a few agents. It was rejected and suddenly I'm so terrified of being rejected again that I can barely get words on the screen. And I want to start a professional photography business but I'm so scared that I will mess that up that I've been carrying around the paperwork to get the business started for over a week.

The thing is, I think I'm pretty darn good at photography. It's like when I was in school. I always had the right answers, but I never raised my hand because there was a slight chance I wasn't right.  I did start a facebook page for my photography, though. I guess that's a good first step?

[caption id="attachment_419" align="aligncenter" width="609" caption="One of my favorites from this past spring"][/caption]

So this year, I am trying extremely hard to embrace the things I love, get go of the fear that holds me back and become the person I want to be.

I've started working on my novel again. It's hard, and I still freeze up every once in a while, but when I can send the rejection out of my head, my thoughts usually flow pretty easily.

And, of course, how I feel about myself is directly correlated with how I feel physically. So I am on day 1.5 of my mostly plant-based, as "whole" as I can manage diet, and we'll see what my energy does from there!


  1. Stephanie,

    I think you're pretty fearless for writing so honestly and publicly about what you fear. Most people aren't self-aware enough to even admit that they have work on themselves.

    All the best with your challenges.

    Courage is knowing what not to fear - Plato

  2. Thanks. I never thought of it that way. More to contemplate, I suppose.... :)

  3. WOOO HOO!!! Good for you dollface for facing your fears, stepping through them and SEE!! Great things happen. The greatest thing about Fear is it makes us learn and once the initial first chapter is given the second, third and forth will be easy!