I've learned lately that I've lived a lot of my life in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear that the tiny voice inside of me that insists I'm not good enough is actually right. It's left me more or less perpetually stuck in the zone I'm in: same job, some apartment complex, never going after the things I've wanted most, and with the nagging feeling of guilt and sadness that I'm 28 years old and I've barely lived.
Although people who know me would challenge that statement, I think. I mean I've done some traveling. I've been to Europe, to New Zealand, to all 50 United States. I've graduated college and I've gotten married. But when you lie those things alongside the things I didn't do (Publish a novel, move to London, get my master's degree in creative writing), they don't look so amazing.
Granted, you'll probably say that it's not too late to do any of those things. And it's not, I suppose. But that's not the point. The point is, those are the things I chose NOT to do in the past because I was too darn scared.
But I've decided that I need to change that. I'm making a vow to myself and to you, my readers, that I will have more adventures. I will not let fear get in my way any longer.
I started this new plan yesterday (actually the process began a few months ago, but fear had left me dragging my feet on finishing it)...when I walked into the City of Roseville and applied for a business license. As soon as that puppy arrives in the mail, Stephanie Sutherlin Photography will be a real, official business.
Jim and I are also in the process of contemplating buying a house. And you know what? I'm terrified. It's such a huge commitment and has such a huge price tag! There are a million things that could go wrong, a million places where we could fail. But you know what? We're doing it anyway.
And with these couple huge decisions, I'm finding myself taking more small risks, too. Even as small as trying new foods and finding the strength and courage to tell someone the truth, even when it may be hard for them to hear.
I have a list of Things to Do Before I Die on my blog, and I intend to begin checking them off. In fact, I checked one off last night: "Start my own business." And I plan to add to this list....little things. Tiny things even. I love checking things off lists! But that's not the point. The point is, I intend to make every day count for something, to have an adventure, even a mini one, every single day!
I'm excited. And happy. And PROUD of myself! It's an amazing feeling to realize your weaknesses and then be able to overcome them.
Have you ever overcome a huge obstacle that changed your life?
Help me think of some exciting mini adventures!